Lady Justice and the Oak Tree

Justice

This is one of the cards that persuaded me to ask for the Joie de Vivre Tarot  for Christmas. Isn’t it beautiful? I love the Elizabethan ruff and the colours in the mermaid’s hair. At first, I though she was holding a disembodied head, but it is Creed, Lady Justice’s underwater companion of many legs, who holds the scales.

This card bothers me more than most. I spend a lot of time worrying about the results of my previous words and actions. As an example, I think about how much I once drank and smoked and wonder what the effect will eventually be. Time can conceal, especially now that I do neither anymore. We sometimes forget those things we have said and done after many years; so much so that the results often seem unrelated and unexpected.

I’ve probably mentioned it before, but Yehuda Berg has said ‘We do not wake up one morning and find a full-grown Oak tree in our garden’. A seed had been sewn a long time before.

Even though previous actions have put me in the place I am now (whether I realise it or not), I am in a position of power when Lady Justice and Creed enter my day. They remind me of the seeds I plant today. What will they eventually grow into?

I was up and out this morning to see my agency guy. He’s a smiley Ross Kemp kind of bloke, who couldn’t be more helpful and calls me mate. The best thing about him is that he is warm and understands how things are for me right now. I haven’t found many like that since I became unemployed or was diagnosed with chronic fatigue. I talked to him about becoming self-employed eventually and he printed me out some stuff  to look through. He said there might be a course I could go on, which would be useful. Planting seeds. It’s what we do now that serves us later.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

The Warrior Queen

Queen of Swords

This card was eyeballing me when I shuffled. I stacked the cards into little piles and she found herself at the top of the lot. I then fanned them, as I do every morning, and who should I pick but Queen Tenacious!

I woke late this morning, with achy neck, bones, and head. I am feeling foggy and worn out. Kate put together an A4 envelope of natural remedies for me, which she has been using for her own fatigue. In the package are handfuls of clear bags of tablets. I was pleased that the pack wasn’t intercepted at any point of its journey, because the many little white pills I have here on my bed look far dodgier than they intend to be. With them came a typed sheet of paper, entitled Kate’s M.E. Recovery Guide. There are tablets here to clear brain fog (L’Glutamine) and combat energy-loss (such as Iron, Magnesium and Vitimin D). She told me to start the program when I crash. I will see how today goes. If I am feeling the same tomorrow, then I will take them, along with the exercise and water she has recommended from her research and experience.

For today, I am also listening to the advice of friends who have commented here on the blog. Small rests are important, as Chloe recommends. Queen Tenacious is a lady of balance. Take her hair, for instance, which is a garden of roses and thorns, symbolising both tenderness and force. She knows when to strike out and when to withdraw. Magic Mentha suggested getting out. I am not sure I could cope with a run out today, but as I sit here, I have opened the window to bring the outside in. I desperately need a little fresh air.

It is difficult when the mind and body are in conflict. Today’s Queen of Swords is a warrior. This leads me to believe that mind can control matter. Just getting up and showered and dressed is the beginning of any success. The queen says it is how you approach things, with a clear and set mind. As I write, she is smiling at me from the laminate of the card; she knows she’s right, as always.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

Beam and the Dowdy Townsfolk

7 of Wands

This card kind of makes me laugh. Look at this guy, called Beam, standing up there on the hill with a big grin on his face. Below him stand a group of townsfolk , who look out at me with distressed faces. They are not investing in Beam’s contentment. In fact, they strongly oppose it.

I notice how sunshiny and colourful Beam is dressed. The group below could take a leaf out of his book, couldn’t they? Maybe they’ve gone all ‘Trinny and Susannah’, intent on stripping him of his unique style, however much he likes it.

When I was in my early twenties, I had long hair. It was auburn and wavy. After having it bobbed and died jet black, I had it cropped a few years later. My parents hadn’t liked it long and were relieved. However, on finding peroxide, I took my experimentation to a whole new level; from then on, I donned a white-blonde heroin-chic hairstyle, copied from my favourite male model, Keith Martin (who I eventually met backstage at a gig in Camden, where he gave me a cigarette). I began to change my hair as often as my underwear – my favourite colours being hot-pink and fire-engine-red.

It wasn’t just my parents who shook their sticks in my direction; I’d get looks in the street, not just for my hairstyles, but for the clothing I chose to team them up with – flared 70s suits, bondage trousers, PVC and dangly crucifix earrings. Yeah, I can relate to Beam and the objection of others. I did it to get attention, but I think I’d have preferred it if I hadn’t  attracted so much negativity. However, nothing stopped me expressing myself in the way I wanted to. It probably strengthened my conviction. I was still experimenting with clothing and hair-dyes way into my 30s.

It’s funny how things change. None of those kind of statements mean much to me anymore. I’m far from conventional, but I no longer feel the need to be radical. I walked towards a young guy on my way to yoga the other week. He had a shock of bleached blonde hair and was model-walking towards me in tight jeans and a flowing Denis the Menace style jumper. It was sunny and he reminded me of a flavour of myself, long passed. I felt a connection to the boy; he was how I once was, even if he could not yet relate to how I am now.

The 7 of Wands is not about being an extrovert today though; it is about fighting fatigue. My fatigue is represented by those no-fun dowdy people in the front of the card, who wish to pull Beam from the top of the rock. I finished another creative project this morning, but there was only so much fight left in me. At 3pm, I called it a day and stepped down for some rest.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

Intrigue and Treacle

Knight of Cups

I don’t usually set a time on the things I do at home. I’d planned on just working at it until I was finished. However, my body had other ideas. I’m feeling drained this afternoon. It could have been the dashing about yesterday or the yoga class in the evening (which I can definitely feel in my hips). I went for dinner and to do the quiz afterwards (we came 8th for the third time), but I didn’t get home late. All the same, my eyes are closing now.

Yesterday’s mover and shaker has been replaced by a quieter knight. This one moves at a slower pace. Where as the Knight of Swords galloped from thought to thought and place to place, the Knight of Cups (called Intrigue) swims through the world of emotions and feelings, as if through treacle. Some might say he is doped up on love.

I feel a bit like that – as if I am physically swimming through treacle. I started a new project today, adjusting my existing pattern, but even though my heart was in it, my body wasn’t carrying my passion for what I was doing.I was pleased with what I’d achieved, but each step was a chore. Intrigue reminds me of my love for my work. The scroll in the bird’s mouth holds his latest poem, of which he is passionate and proud of. With the prospect of some teaching coming up in August, I told my friend, I really want to get off of the dole and work [creatively] for myself. Today’s card reaffirms this, even if my worn out body and mind is not as alert as it was yesterday.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

Dashing About

Knight of Swords

It’s Dash again, riding the clouds of thought on his merry-go-round horse. He’s mentally agile and gallops from place to place.

Today, this knight represents two aspects of me. I was up early this morning, as my parents said they’d drive me to get some fabric I think I am going to need. They said they’d also make a detour to another shop, where I wanted to buy a print for my room, so I took the morning away from sewing to do this. When we got to the fabric shop, I realised it was not open on a Monday. When we went to buy the print, I found out that it was three times as much as I wanted to pay. All of that dashing about for nothing.

While out, my mind was turning over ideas. In the queue in one shop, I was thinking about some metal rings I’d just bought and how I could try to make a different handle on my standard handbag; then I started to think about ways to add zips or compartments to larger pockets. Like the character in today’s card, my mind was jumping from idea to idea, gathering speed and momentum. The Knight of Swords is a card of  movement; both physically and mentally.

My neck aches, for some reason. I am resting out for a bit before meeting Kate. We are going to spend half an hour discussing Yehuda Berg’s Rebooting before our yoga class and then we will be off to the pub for dinner and quiz night with friends. I need to take it easy. As much as it is enjoyable to be doing things and is inspiring to move forward with my designs, I am aware that too much can result in an M.E. crash, which is why I am taking half an hour out right now.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

No Big Crime

7 of Cups

I am now at home, sitting on my bed – it’s only me and my cough. My boyfriend has just gone back to his house as he is pretty tired from our stint of babysitting, the late night, and the early mornings. Is there anything I dislike about being around kids? Erm, yes – kids television; even worse than that is American kids television. I had to send the children to the bathroom to get ready this morning, just to rid myself of the tripe by using the standby button. When I was young, I could never understand my parents’ fascination with the news. Now I am older, I can see why it is a viable alternative to CBBC.

As I sit here, I am thinking about fabrics – which to match with which, what I need to get this week, and how I must get my hands on some more of the dolly print I used on Friday. Four people have said how much they like that one.

I like how the little flowers in this illustration present choices and opportunities for the young lady (called Wish) to take. These might be ways for me to continue with my evening here at home.

It’s still beautifully sunny and my white room is light and airy. I could go and see if the cherry and apple print fabrics I got yesterday work with some vintage material I bought some time ago; or maybe I could cut out and iron some pieces for tomorrow. But it’s a Sunday evening, and really, I should go for the hardest task of all – to just ease my mind and relax out for a few hours. I completed a bag yesterday in a mixture of sea-blues and wild cherry colours; and I made one the day before that. A little down-time tonight is no big crime.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy

The Prince and the Kiddiwinkles

5 of Swords

My boyfriend and I are sitting on the sofa with his sister’s three kids, watching The Eurovision Song Contest. I can’t remember the last time that I sat and watched it. I am not sure that I have since I was a kid.  A year or so before my boyfriend and I got together, I remember traveling from a party in the seaside town of Brighton to a party in South London’s Clapham, which was built around the contest; but I didn’t watch much of  it. Between trying to escape from a random young guy who developed designs on me and talking about divination with another bloke in the garden, I didn’t really see any of the programme. Everyone ended up in a club until the  very early hours. I remember that. The Eurovision Song Contest has never really been my thing.

We have been babysitting my boyfriend’s two nieces and nephew today. We did consider taking them out bowling or to the seaside, but in the end, we decided to do some simple stuff instead. We dragged them off to a little town as I needed to buy some fabrics, and when we got back, I helped the two little nieces get creative while my boyfriend prepared lunch. I made my own bag and brought sheets of coloured foam and decorative bits to help them make theirs. We sat at the table for a couple of hours, and when they finished, they helped me with my work – passing pins, pressing the reverse on my sewing machine, and watching as I made each part. Little Sophie said ‘I really like this .. I’m having a really happy day’. All three kids are an absolute pleasure. I have had a really happy day too.

I can’t really see where today’s card fits. I feel content and the kids have made it a good day. Today’s card shows Squabble and Quarrel, who are always in conflict. The one on the left reminds me of Margaret Thatcher. She’s won the jewels off of the other and hangs them from her sword. I can’t see how the two of them have a place in today.

So, we’re half way through the Eurovision and our Bonnie has just sung. When the contest began, I said to my boyfriend ‘these songs are not that bad’. I am not sure if the Eurovision has pulled up it’s socks or if generally, music has dropped its. It’s hard to ignore Romania and I can’t help but be captivated by Greece for it’s novelty value alone, but overall, my money is on Russia winning. However, I think I like the song from Norway the most.

Illustration from The Joie de Vivre Tarot by Paulina Cassidy